somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
