I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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