i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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