Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
