Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
