the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
