He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
