sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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