Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize