I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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