I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i love accidental penises.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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