It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
