In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
