she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
