Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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