I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Randomize
