That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
pray to the hookup gods
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
