Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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