the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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