trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just blew my weed a kiss
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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