A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
