just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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