hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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