God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
