um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
