Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
