I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
