; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The ass gains better be worth it
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