Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
