The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
