I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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