Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
