Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
my nose is crying tears of wow.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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