I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
