This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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