you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
