I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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