I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
