Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
