Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
