dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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