There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
