I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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