Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
