Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
