Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
