i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
