you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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