I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
