I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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