So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
