my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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