She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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