Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
