matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
