I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
