Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
