If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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