I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
