after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
