STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
