Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
