I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
