At least make sure they are 18
Why
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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