i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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