I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
