You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
