Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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