Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Do you still have your period?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You smell like stripper and shame
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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